I was on some other sites the other day just lurking and reading the postings. One rather stuck out and it involved other people knowing of your kinks and interests.
Now the post was not talking about people in the "Lifestyle" it was talking about other friends, relatives etc.
As a guy, and most guys can relate to this, guys just don't talk about these things. When we are teens we may brag about our conquests. "I fucked Ms hot panties" or "You know Janine, she goes down like a submarine." even when it's not true....we have to do this so that others think we are getting laid and we are macho studs...so sometimes, shocking as it is we lie through our teeth having fucked only the palm of our dominant hand.
I do not recall ever, ever speaking to a married buy about his sex life. Once a long time ago when I was still single, I asked my best friend who was about a year into his marriage if his wife liked him going down on her. He was very offended and said he does not talk about what he and the wife do in bed....so I have never broached the subject again.
In my first marriage I spoke to a female co-worker about the lack of sexual intimacy in my marriage. Really, I did so because frankly I was hoping for a sympathy fuck but it was not to be...but she did suggest I perform oral on the wife which I did anyway on the few times we actually did have sex.
But after my encounter with my best friend I never again mentioned any sexual activity with another male regarding marital sex.
Men will often joke with other men about masturbation. They may say, Poor Richard is so horny he has to jerk off all the time to which Poor Richard will reply that he gets more pussy than a gynecologist. Talk about kink...nah not so much..
I have spoke to other men in the "alternate lifestyle" they know I am a cuckold, I have no problem with chatting with them or with other women...but if you think I am telling my best friend that my wife fucks other men...folks think again..I almost did so once with a good friend who is now unfortunately not living having passed at a young age because of cancer...I could tell my wife had the hots for him and would fuck him given the chance...she flirted like an unabashed slut with him but it went over his head. I came very close to telling him but since we were also co-workers thought better of it.
Now my wife has told one of her good girlfriends that she has a fuck buddy. She has even mentioned him in front of me to her girlfriend and she has told her fuck buddy she likes to engage in tease and denial with me.....I'm cool with that and as a matter of fact would like her to tell the girl friend she is into tease and denial with me....
Now the strange thing is that at the same job where my best friend worked was a girl who I flirted with all the time. Just as we were leaving the State and moving away I took her to lunch. She was just beginning to know my wife and they were friends having gone shopping a few times. I told this girl that my wife has a boyfriend and that we go to nude beaches etc...she is a good girl who is dying to become a naughty slut.....by the way I think she was or at least did want to fuck my best friend so in some small sense of the world he contributed to me being a cuckold.
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1 comment:
The alienation that results from discussing sex or the lifestyle with other men that you describe is one I've known all-too well. I have had some pretty open conversations with male friends about my lifestyle that left me only more strongly bonded with those men. That doesn't mean I'd talk to just anyone about it, though. There were a few fellows that I was just on the verge of telling about my lifestyle, but I later was grateful I held off as they later revealed themselves to hold the very same attitudes about discussing sex outside of crude "I hit that" statements that you describe in your post.
As for letting your closest male friends know? That's a hard one. You don't want to lose your friend. Some people view any form of non-monogamy as being tantamount to pedophilia, so the last thing you want is to not only lose a good friend over disclosure but also have them view you as being totally fucked up.
But remember what most parents tell their kid at some point when they're growing up: "If they're truly your friend, they'll accept you as you are."
I've been fortunate to have my closest male friends accept me exactly as I am, lifestyle and all.
The thing to note about the acceptance of "alternative" sexual lifestyles is that those who hold the most tightly to gender stereotypes are the ones to act the most repulsed by learning a good friend is in this lifestyle. If being a "MAN" versus a "man" (read: societal expectations vs. anatomical) is important to you in how you're seen by others in your life, you will always swim alone in the shadows.
And remember that there are a lot more people acceptant of the lifestyle than you may realize. Most people act shocked only because that's how they're expected to react.1
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